Writing Machines is the course website for English 170L at Pomona College in Claremont, California.
Class Credit and Blog Identity
Submitted by Natwwal on 18 September 2006 - 3:22pm.
I've blogged a little in the past, and I'm finding it a very different experience to blog for class. I think my sense of disorientation comes from three things:
1. This class blog has a very set readership. There is always the possibility that a random person will stumble on our blog, but in all liklihood, people from our class are the only ones who will read a given post. Similarly, people in our class can't just stop reading the blog if they get bored. The set audience makes me far more self-concious about what I say.
2. Everyone who reads this blog has at least some knowledge of me in real life. As a result, it isn't possible for this blog to become my identity to the blog's readership. Readers will certainly filter my posts through what they know of me in real life, and something I post on this blog may influence the way people perceive me or my comments in class.
3. We are being graded for our work on this blog. This means that, unlike many bloggers, I am not just writing to please myself. I think that as soon as a blog becomes an assignment, you lose some of the decadent self-focus that makes so many blogs tick.
I've definitely enjoyed reading everyone's posts, but I find that I have little idea where to begin when I sit down to post myself. Has anyone else felt this way?
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blog anxiety
The blog makes me a little anxious as well. Unlike in class, our comments and ideas are pretty much permanent and we can't hide ignorance/stupidity/laziness because it's all neatly preserved for history. Sure, we can delete a post, but no one has really been calling anyone else out for saying something that doesn't make sense or is just wrong (though that's also because people have been making valuable contributions to the blog). So what would ever prompt me to delete something?
My friend said that she thinks this blog is a clever way for the professor to figure out who is really smart and keeps up with the reading. Looking at it with that sort of judgement looming over you certainly increases my nervousness.
blog confidence (bit by bit)
It is true that this blog is primarily directed at a limited audience with a grade looming overhead, and within that limited audience our anonymity is not protected, but I do not think that means that it needs to become a platform to demonstrate our pyschological prowess in relation to a limited slate of readings. I am coming to look at it as a log of my first serious forays into the world of the internet--really thinking about the possibilities and implications of a technology that is becoming a larger and larger part of my life. In tandem with that, I find it very valuable to read about the experiences of others in a similar position as myself. When I read blog posts I'm not looking to measure the writer's comprehension of class material, I'm looking for new insights on how to better understand this blogging world we've been thrust into and the internet media as a whole.
Everyone knowing you.
I wouldn't even be able to identify you in class. If the case is that those whose opinions you find more important know you, mightn't that often be the case elsewhere?
Anyway, one hypertext author and a couple of novelists with whom I've spoken and corresponded have mentioned similar feelings after publication to small (albeit more geographically broad) communities.
In response to your last
In response to your last question, I will admit that I've felt exactly the same. Whenever I post on my personal blog, I don't feel limited as to what I can say. I can merely write and write and write about whatever comes to mind. My personal blog has always been an available safe space with no requirements, no limits, and the readership are people that I know very personally and trust. In maintaining this blog, however, I am very conscious of the fact that, like you said, this is also classwork as well as a public space. It makes me feel self-conscious, and in turn, censors my writing. Should I say something that will make myself sound stupid? Will people judge me and my comments? To be perfectly honest, I would really prefer that we all remained anonymous, but alas, it is too late for that.
It's comforting to find out that I'm not the only one who feels anxious, self-conscious, and yes, nervous. Hey! I just realized something! The support and sharing that is supposed to occur in a blogging community has just occurred here! Thanks for posting this,Natwwal!
Hmmm. I tried to post this
Hmmm. I tried to post this last night, but it didn't go up. (Maybe I wasn't logged in?) At any rate, here it goes again:
Yes, yes, and yes--I often feel like I spend a preposterous amount of time thinking about what I might post here before I can bring myself to do so. However, there are positive points that correspond to all the above-mentioned anxieties. For those who are entirely new to this whole blogging thing, the set readership gives some sort of structure and focus to the learning process, and it also enhances that process for our self-selected audience; I think the carry over between class discussions and blog posts allows the amount of thinking and preparation I'd normally put into a class to spill over in a way that could be anxiety producing in and of itself, but so far I've found it really useful to come to class having already read not only the assigned material, but also other's responses to that material--I think it takes our class discussions further than they could otherwise go; are many bloggers really writing only to please themselves? Anyone who writes in a public forum, however limited or faceless their audience, still must be imagining some sort of audience who receives their writing.
And maybe that performance-related anxiety can be productive instead of stifling. As Shock and Awe said, this is a chance to gain understanding through shared insight, and the anxieties produced by the class and audience structure give us some slight direction as to how to make those insights as useful as possible. It's a confidence and knowledge building process, and I think that the more we read and write here, the easier it will become for us to do this sort of writing. I could stand to take this advice myself--less trepidation about the posting process and more actual posting.
the jabberwocky, or, am I way too ridiculous?
I, however, seem to have no problem posting whatever comes to my mind about say, the recycling bin, or the Jabberwocky. I think I'm just a little entranced by this idea of blogging - I've never done it before. I'm not really editing myself that much, at the risk of sounding ridiculous, or just free spirited (mouthed), I suppose. I'm treating this as if it really were a regular old blog. I'm not going to try to sound super academic if I'm not feeling that way that day. Sometimes, I just have to talk about the Jabberwocky.
I hope you guys aren't right about Prof F using this blog to determine who's the most intellectual and is understanding the reading the best, because while I am totally understanding everything (well, maybe not McLuhan), I tend to free associate a little more and then get stuck on one thought that I feel like I must share with you.